I Work With Children

I SWEAR this happened today!

Oh, first of all, I was out yesterday with a sick daughter. I'm not supposed to miss any work yet, since I've only been on the job two grueling months, so the husband stayed home today so that I could return to the hell-hole.

Anyway, all was quite and boring all morning. I got up to go to the bathroom and before I even shut the bathroom door I heard Linda dial Tanya's extension. So I shut the door and stood there and listened. Linda actually said, "Uhh, I hate it when she's here! She messes up my environment! It makes me just wanna stay home!"

I couldn't make this stuff up! I just think it's so amusing that I'm working a job that I hate, for a woman whom I can't stand, and whom clearly isn't too fond of me either. I wish she'd just do both of us a favor and fire my ass! I still have a couple months unemployment coming from the last jackasses who stupidly let me and all of my glory slide out of their hands.

TGIF

This is how I'm feeling today:

Worker for Hire

So, yesterday my wonderful husband sent me three red roses for our 3rd anniversary. Then he took off work early and went home and cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry and made the bed. Then he took me to Edmond to eat at my favorite restaurant, P.F. Cheng (yummo). He's a doll, isn't he? Then we went home and watched "Baby Mama" with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, two of my favorites. It's a generally entertaining moving, with several parts that made me laugh out loud, which is fairly unusual for any movie. All around good night.

Today...not so much. I'm not feeling very tolerant today, and tolerance is crucial for surviving a day in this office. It wasn't even 9:00 this morning when I felt like cramming my ballpoint pen into my eyeball. I became angry when the two of them stopped talking only long enough to make sure I was going to answer the phone, even though I was away from my desk filing papers. Hey, I know QVC's Daily Special is very important conversation. Who am I to expect our customers to come first?

I'm searching desperately for a new job. I would love for next Friday (payday) to be my last day. When I overheard--and by that I mean didn't plug my ears--Linda saying to Tanya, "She's setting over there with an attitude. Does she think I'm going to put up with that? Huh-who does she think she is?" I pretty much decided then that these crazy bitches couldn't pay me enough money to work for them. I need a job. ASAP.

'Til Death Do Us Part

It was a warm, breezy summer day. I trembled with excitement as my "wedding march" began to play. I fumbled nervously with my bouquet and avoided eye contact as my dad led me down the aisle. I finally reached the groom and felt my eyes well with tears. The preacher began talking and I understood the words as though they were German. Suddenly I burst out laughing, and continued to giggle nervously as the preacher poured over our vows. Then my husband kissed me and our guests applauded. The rest is history.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, Husband.

Come the F**k Real

Another example, just in case the first one didn't do it for you...

I spent the morning typing and printing invoices and putting them in addressed envelopes. My co-worker Tanya* was standing near the mail basket when I took the envelopes over and put them in with a group that was already tied together with a rubberband. My co-worker informed me, "Oh, Linda* likes groups of 8 or 10" in her ever-so-cheerful-I-make-way-more-money-than-you voice. Fine. What. Ever. So she watches me remove most of the envelopes from the bunch and put a new rubberband around them, leaving two bundles of 8 to 10. Then she says "Ooops, keep the little ones in front so we don't lose them!" You've got to be kidding me. I grit my teeth and go to lunch, only to return to an e-mail with the following excerpt:

If you notice an unattractive ink smear on an envelope or invoice printed by your printer, you should reprint a better version.
Linda would much prefer to go ahead and toss that smeared envelope or invoice. She’s willing to accept a little waste to make sure the correspondence going to customers looks as professional as possible.

Are these people for real?!? Is this totally annoying or is it just me?!?

*Names have been changed out of pure paranoia.

A Perfect Example

...of why I hate my job and really, really dislike my boss.

While sitting in a very quiet office, squealing of tires can be heard from the main road that passes in front of our building. My boss let's out a three to four second sigh and growls, "I bet they're not buying those tires."

I thought about pointing out that neither is she.

An Update

The Job: It still blows. I continue to be bored outta my mind. My boss continues to bitch about everything. I continue to want to punch her in the face.

The Husband: He has another infected hair folicle. He went back to the doctor yesterday and got another prescription for antibiotics. He is trying to let it get better without taking them though. So I am stealing them from him and taking them for my burns-when-I-pee-ness. You see, the sucky job doesn't offer health insurance and I'm not paying the sucky doctors to give me a sucky diagnosis and a prescription that I already have thanks to my husband's sucky hair folicles.

The Daughter: She turns two in one week. I struggle to wrap my mind around this. When she smiles that sweet smile and hugs my neck and pats my back and squeezes my cheeks I can't believe it's already been two years. And when she sucker-punches me between the eyes and kicks me in the throat I can't believe it's only been two years...