On a Lighter Note

Okay, so I've gotten a little tired of bitchin' for the time being, and decided to talk about something that makes me squeal with excitement..."Baby Madness!" Not my own, though, oh no, then I would be double squealing with excitement, and well, that's just too much noise.

Okay, so Breann, one of my besties, is dilated to a three with baby number two. (Sorry, Bre, if you're not cool with me talking about the condition of your cervix. I won't make it a habit, I promise.) She's having baby boy Jaxon, baby brother of baby girl Jayla. We're so ready to meet him!!!

Tracey, another great friend and neighbor, is just about five weeks away from introducing us to baby number two--baby girl Paisley, baby sister of baby boy Tyler. (I guess I should refrain from referring to him as a baby, seeing as how he is almost three. Denial.) I'm really excited to meet her too, especially since she is close enough for me to squeeze every day. Or two.

Secrett and Drew are also cooking up a batch of baby girl sweetness! They're due at the end of February and we are equally excited to meet baby Bryenn (maybe). (Maybe for the name, not that we are maybe excited to meet her.) (In case I needed to clarify that.) Big brother Mica is ecstatic!

Then, we just found out that our dear friends Derek and Amber are expecting. This has been a long time coming and we're just bulging at the seems with happiness! I'm putting my money on a boy for the Wilson's!

And of course, my Christy! She and her hubby Daniel are expecting as well. Due sometime in April. And, gee, I dunno why I would have such a hunch, but I'm betting on a girl for these two! I can't wait to meet another darling Audrey Grace! (Or Jackson James!)

So, there you have it. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this stuff! And since the husband is about to puke over all the details I'm forcing upon him, I've decided to share them with people who actually care! You! You care...don't you? I thought so! I'll keep you posted!!!

For the Love of Kleenex & Nyquil

Holy shit, is it ever going to end? I totally thought I'd quit producing phlem after three days of drinking nothing. Apparently snot production does not require water. I'm in a condition where when I sniff ever-so-gently there is five to ten seconds of severe pressure right under my left eye, such that I fear an implosion every time. I'm snorting Vicks and tripping on Benedryl as we speak. It's allergies and a cold, I believe.

Meanwhile, the daughter is glued to the couch on life support (watching TV). The hubby is gone on a memorial ride. And I'm about to start the third batch of brownies in three days. They don't really count if I can't actually taste them...do they?

I Work With Children

I SWEAR this happened today!

Oh, first of all, I was out yesterday with a sick daughter. I'm not supposed to miss any work yet, since I've only been on the job two grueling months, so the husband stayed home today so that I could return to the hell-hole.

Anyway, all was quite and boring all morning. I got up to go to the bathroom and before I even shut the bathroom door I heard Linda dial Tanya's extension. So I shut the door and stood there and listened. Linda actually said, "Uhh, I hate it when she's here! She messes up my environment! It makes me just wanna stay home!"

I couldn't make this stuff up! I just think it's so amusing that I'm working a job that I hate, for a woman whom I can't stand, and whom clearly isn't too fond of me either. I wish she'd just do both of us a favor and fire my ass! I still have a couple months unemployment coming from the last jackasses who stupidly let me and all of my glory slide out of their hands.

TGIF

This is how I'm feeling today:

Worker for Hire

So, yesterday my wonderful husband sent me three red roses for our 3rd anniversary. Then he took off work early and went home and cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry and made the bed. Then he took me to Edmond to eat at my favorite restaurant, P.F. Cheng (yummo). He's a doll, isn't he? Then we went home and watched "Baby Mama" with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, two of my favorites. It's a generally entertaining moving, with several parts that made me laugh out loud, which is fairly unusual for any movie. All around good night.

Today...not so much. I'm not feeling very tolerant today, and tolerance is crucial for surviving a day in this office. It wasn't even 9:00 this morning when I felt like cramming my ballpoint pen into my eyeball. I became angry when the two of them stopped talking only long enough to make sure I was going to answer the phone, even though I was away from my desk filing papers. Hey, I know QVC's Daily Special is very important conversation. Who am I to expect our customers to come first?

I'm searching desperately for a new job. I would love for next Friday (payday) to be my last day. When I overheard--and by that I mean didn't plug my ears--Linda saying to Tanya, "She's setting over there with an attitude. Does she think I'm going to put up with that? Huh-who does she think she is?" I pretty much decided then that these crazy bitches couldn't pay me enough money to work for them. I need a job. ASAP.

'Til Death Do Us Part

It was a warm, breezy summer day. I trembled with excitement as my "wedding march" began to play. I fumbled nervously with my bouquet and avoided eye contact as my dad led me down the aisle. I finally reached the groom and felt my eyes well with tears. The preacher began talking and I understood the words as though they were German. Suddenly I burst out laughing, and continued to giggle nervously as the preacher poured over our vows. Then my husband kissed me and our guests applauded. The rest is history.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, Husband.

Come the F**k Real

Another example, just in case the first one didn't do it for you...

I spent the morning typing and printing invoices and putting them in addressed envelopes. My co-worker Tanya* was standing near the mail basket when I took the envelopes over and put them in with a group that was already tied together with a rubberband. My co-worker informed me, "Oh, Linda* likes groups of 8 or 10" in her ever-so-cheerful-I-make-way-more-money-than-you voice. Fine. What. Ever. So she watches me remove most of the envelopes from the bunch and put a new rubberband around them, leaving two bundles of 8 to 10. Then she says "Ooops, keep the little ones in front so we don't lose them!" You've got to be kidding me. I grit my teeth and go to lunch, only to return to an e-mail with the following excerpt:

If you notice an unattractive ink smear on an envelope or invoice printed by your printer, you should reprint a better version.
Linda would much prefer to go ahead and toss that smeared envelope or invoice. She’s willing to accept a little waste to make sure the correspondence going to customers looks as professional as possible.

Are these people for real?!? Is this totally annoying or is it just me?!?

*Names have been changed out of pure paranoia.

A Perfect Example

...of why I hate my job and really, really dislike my boss.

While sitting in a very quiet office, squealing of tires can be heard from the main road that passes in front of our building. My boss let's out a three to four second sigh and growls, "I bet they're not buying those tires."

I thought about pointing out that neither is she.