Monday, November 24, 2008


I recently introduced you to the newest member of our family, Lola. A lot has happened since then.

First of all, in an attempt to house break the dog, we began scolding her for pooping in the house. We would discipline her immediately after release, scold her, and put her outside. We thought this would teach her that she is not supposed to poop in the house. Apparently, it taught her that she should not poop, thus she began eating her poop in an attempt to hide it. This is especially discusting when you have a 2-year old that enjoys being licked by said dog.

Second, the dog absolutely refuses to go out into the yard without me. Thus, I follow the dog out into the yard about five times a day, and stand there between ten and fifteen minutes while she normally sits and stares at me, only to pee on my rug in the first fifteen seconds of returning to the house.

When I do get mad at the dog and put her outside to think about what she's done, she just digs out of the yard and explores the neighborhood and it's houses. When I put her in her kennel to think about what she's done, she cries at the top of her little lungs, nonstop.

Because the said dog does not stop crying when in her kennel, she sleeps with us. She is not capable of getting herself onto the bed. Thus, I put her in bed, she hops down and goes exploring and chewing, and comes back only to wake me to put her back on the bed. Over and over and over again.

Last Saturday night I awoke to something wet hitting me in the face. Once I actually woke up I realized I had heard her throwing up. Once that registered, I realized she was shaking her head and it was actually vomit hitting me in the face. Can this story get any nastier??? Once I vomited myself, I turned on the light only to discover the dog was actually vomiting poop. Six hours later, the dog was on her way to her new home.

Her new owner has been kind enough to keep me updated on her progress through pictures. I'd say she's liking her new home:

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I'm Baaaack!

Miss me? Thought so. Soooo, I got a job!!! I'm very, very excited about it and am loving it after one week. I'm working at the District Attorney's office. It's very interesting and I love everybody I work with, so I'm really pleased with the way things turned out. Oh yeah, about 2 hours after I posted my last entry I got a text from a friend asking if I still needed a job. I interviewed 2 hours later and was offered a job 3 hours after that! Yea!

So, in case you wonder what else I've been up to...
Yesterday I went to Wal-Mart hungry which resulted in my pantry looking like this:

I tried to take a picture of my freezer but every time I open the door crap falls out all over the floor. The pictures just don't do justice once half the crap is gone.

Oh, and see the daughter’s new dog?

That's Lola. She's a shitzu. And even better than that? She's a rescued shitzu. I feel warm and fuzzy.

Oh, and the daughter had to get in on the pictures:

She's pretty ornery.

And in case you're wondering how I'll be spending my weekend:

I love Halloween. Now if I could just find some brownies.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Hunt

I hate job hunting.

I have been on five interviews in two weeks. I have filled out more applications than I care to count. I have pasted on more fake smiles than I care to admit. I remain unemployed.

Here's a summary of my recent luck:

Last Monday I went to fill out an application at a local nursing home for an Admissions Clerk. Upon arriving, I was informed that I would be interviewed on the spot. I'm not one for surprises so I was not very happy with this news. I did the interview anyway, but I'm not so sure my fake smile and "Yes, I wanna work in a nursing home" attitude were believable. I was kinda up for it until the interviewer told me I would get one week vacation after one year, and two weeks only after five years. And, I would only be given four paid holidays all year--Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Thanksgiving Day, and July 4th. Seriously???

Wednesday I had two interviews scheduled. One with a small loan company and one with a home health care agency. That morning I called and canceled the interview with the small loan company. I realized when I had to wade through a cloud of cigarette smoke to get to the manager's desk that I didn't want to work there. I accepted the interview anyway, mostly just for practice, as I am HORRIBLE at interviews. But then, knowing the type of personality I have, I would either feel like a loser if I didn't get the job, or I would reject any job offer that was extended. So, I just decided to nip it in the bud.

Not five minutes later, I got a call from the health care agency. The nice lady stated that, because the lady that was going to interview me was out with sick kids, we would have to reschedule. The next available time was for next Monday! Gees, I was hoping to start work next Monday!!! Of course, I accepted the interview for 2:00 p.m.

Nothing much else happened Thursday, and then Friday I got a call from a small non-profit here in town. I had applied for an administrative assistant position and they were calling to set up an interview. She asked if I could come in at 1:20 on Monday. I explained to her that I already had an appointment scheduled for 2:00 and asked her if we could do it any earlier or even later in the afternoon. She told me 1:20 was the only opening that they had, but if I arrived around 1:00 we could probably get started early. She told me she would make a note on my application that I had a 2:00 appointment.

I showed up at the interview at 1:00 p.m. They called me back at 1:25 p.m. We spent around 15-20 minutes asking and answering questions. At around 1:45 p.m. they decided to put me on the computer and test my skills. They had me type up a letter in Word and then they decided they wanted me to create a spreadsheet in Excel. I reminded them twice of my 2:00 appointment. They continued to argue over what exactly it was that they wanted me to do. They left the room to retrieve a chart. They returned at 1:54 p.m., just as I was gathering my things to leave. They were completely shocked that I was actually leaving the interview. Again, I explained the situation, reminded them of the phone conversation when scheduling the interview, apologized too many times, and offered to come back after my other appointment and finish the interview. (In case you're wondering, yes, I wanted the second job much more than the first one. The second one pays 33% more than the first and offers better benefits and the opportunity for advancement.) They were obviously peeved and told me they would call me if they needed me to come back. Whatev.

So I hauled ass across town only to arrive at my 2:00 interview at 2:03 p.m. Dammit. She called me right back and after about 3 minutes of talking, she told me that the position really required someone with previous healthcare experience. But, of course, she will hold on to my resume and call me if something else comes up. Dammit.

So, I got online and applied for a position at DHS. My application was immediately accepted but the second step is to go to the city and take the State Merit test. I spoke with my friend who works for DHS and has for nearly 20 years. She assured me that the test is common sense and really just a type of personality test.

I'm here to tell you things change. There were six parts to the test. None of them had to do with my personality. They were:

Oral Communication Skills
Written Communication Skills
Basic Mathematics
Reading Comprehension
Something Else I Can't Quite Remember
Knowledge of Legal Terminology

My scores were, in order: 70, 77, 100, 80, 70, 45. My final score was a 73. I cried.

Okay, so I passed. But, the next step of the hiring process is that the hiring agency gathers the scores from all applicants and calls in the top 10 scores for interviews. I am not very hopeful.

I am so mad that I was not better prepared for the test. Although, I'm certain I could have been, seeing as how so many of the questions were job related. I clearly have not been trained for the job and I clearly do not have experience in the position, so I'm a little puzzled as how I would have known the answers to some of the questions.

One question that I remember some-what clearly was in the oral communication skills section. It read something like:

Someone that you do not know calls you asking for specific information regarding a case. She refers to herself as a concerned family member. You handle her call by:

a.) Taking down her name and phone number, calling the person the case is directly related to and getting permission to give the information to the caller, and calling him back to reveal the information.
b.) Giving the caller the information, but requesting that the not tell anyone.
c.) Telling the caller that it is against policy to reveal the information to persons not directly related to the case.
d.) Setting up an appointment for the caller to come in and discuss the case.

Now, I obviously chose "c", but my point is, I am not aware of agency policies, as I have never worked for the agency. Many, if not most of, the questions were written in this way. There were 'actual' court papers there to look at and answer related questions. I don't know. I guess it's just not what I expected. And once I started the test and realized I was totally unprepared, all I could think about was how I was totally bombing it. I really could not concentrate. And the real kicker is that I cannot retake it for six months.

Soooo, here I sit, exactly two weeks without work, with ZERO leads. This is depressing. Time for more brownies.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Whole Story

My main (and practically only) duty at my last job was answering the phone. 90% of the calls are for one particular person, Richard, the Sales Manager. The morning of October 1st, my boss came blowing in the door like a pissed-off hornet, as she does on most mornings, just looking for something or someone to bitch and complain about. She managed to bite Richard's head off twice, and Josh's once, before I fell victim to her wrath.

The phone rang and I answered it in my fake, cheesy voice (as I had to actually practice during my interview) (that should have been a sign). The call, surprise-surprise, was for Richard. I explained to the gentleman on the phone (Mr. Medford, an eighty-something-year-old Chief from a tiny town up north) that Richard was on another line, and asked him if he would like to hold for a moment. He said he would hold, that he had nothing better to do. After we have a customer on hold for one minute, our phones begin beeping to remind us of the call. When my phone started beeping, I picked up the phone to tell him that Richard was still on the line, and ask him if he would like to continue holding. Before I could even ask him, he interupted me and told me he had a call and would call right back. I said OK and hung up the phone.

The very second that I hung up that phone, my boss started in on me. "How many times do I have to tell you that we always give them the option to continue holding? How many times have I told you that? We don't ever, ever, ever want out customers to think we are rushing them off of the phone. How many times do I have to tell you that? You didn't even ask him if he wanted to continue holding or if you could take a message?"

I interupted her to tell her what had actually happened, considering she wasn't on the damn phone! She was not impressed. "Well, you never do it anymore! You never give them the option to hold longer than one minute. You always say, 'He's still on another line' and then you just sit there. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Oh, no she didn't stop there. That's just where I quit listening and went back to doing my only other job. She went on and on for a good 3 minutes, I shit you not. Finally, when she either ran out of things to say, or got tired of listening to herself moo, she picked up a stack of tickets from her desk, THREW THEM against the wall behind her and YELLED, "I AM SO TIRED OF STUPID PEOPLE!!!"

Ummm. Yeah. That's not gonna work. I (calmly, somehow) simply got up, went out to my car and got my purse (I had a spare in there as I had changed out on my way to work that morning), went back inside and began cleaning out my drawers into my purse. The husband called to see if I had lunch plans. I told him I did not, nor did I have afternoon plans, nor tomorrow plans. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was leaving at lunch and not returning. He said okay and told me I could give details at lunch. He then called right back and told me not to wait until lunch, to just leave right then. I explained to him, whispering all the while, that I wanted to wait it out as long as I could just for a few more dollars. I heard my boss tell her daughter, loud enough so that I could hear her, "She' s over there whipsering!" I hung up the phone, stood up, and walked out.

Oh, I should totally give you another example of how STUPID these people are. The day before this happened, I was sitting at my computer doing invoices. When I have this software open, I can see my boss, who sits behind me, in the reflection in my monitor. The two idiots were talking about a local business that is run by men, whom Trish and Glenda (the real names) do not like. I don't remember the exact content of the conversation, but I know Trish made the statement, "Well, it's not her fault. I too have had lapses in judgement when it comes to other people's characters." She said it in such a way that I just had to look at Glenda, only to see her pointing at me and laughing. HOW FREAKIN STUPID AND IMMATURE CAN YOU BE?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not asking for pity or "Ahh, cheer up. We like you." Believe me, after working with these two idiots for nearly three months, I can assure you I am completely thrilled that they do not like me. I have never, ever heard them say a positive or even remotely nice thing about anyone, even each other. I can't imagine the spineless, ass-kissing, unopinionated person I would have to be to get their votes.

So, here I go again. On the job hunt. I have filled out roughly fifteen application in the last week. I have gone on one interview. I had two scheduled yesterday, but ended up not going to either. I called and canceled one of them, realizing I didn't really want the job and would only be wasting my time interviewing. Something about the cloud of cigarette smoke I had to walk through to get to the manager's desk turned me off. About five minutes after I canceled the first one, the second one called me and rescheduled for Monday. MONDAY! I totally wanted to start Monday. But, turns out the lady doing the hiring was out with sick kids. I can totally relate to that one. I'm expecting to hear back from at least three people this week, hopefully at least one today. I'm going to the city tomorrow to take a test for another one. Have I ever mentioned I hate job hunting? Let it be known.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

My job. Or lack thereof.

Sooo, I quit my job. I plan on going into details one day, but I'm in a realllly good mood today and I know if I get started I will get all fired up. So, for now, we'll just say enough is enough. And so the job hunt resumes. And, I'm sure, come Monday morning, so will the stress. But, for now, it's a beautiful day, my daughter is at my mom's house until tomorrow, and I am less stressed than I have been in many, many months. That sums up to a perfect night to party! And that's exactly what I plan on doing!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

It's A Boy!

Jaxon Wade
Born October 1, 2008 @ 8:42 a.m.
7 lbs, 6 oz, 18 inches long.

Congrats Mommy & Daddy and Big Sister Jayla Rae!

(Will post a picture ASAP!)

Updates Already?

Okay, one anyway. Breann is in labor!!! Yea!!! I got a text from her around 7:30 this morning stating that she is at the hospital and dilated to a five. Oh, and not feeling a thing, lucky duck! Let's hope for a safe and speedy delivery! I'll let you know when Jaxon Wade makes his grand debute!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

On a Lighter Note

Okay, so I've gotten a little tired of bitchin' for the time being, and decided to talk about something that makes me squeal with excitement..."Baby Madness!" Not my own, though, oh no, then I would be double squealing with excitement, and well, that's just too much noise.

Okay, so Breann, one of my besties, is dilated to a three with baby number two. (Sorry, Bre, if you're not cool with me talking about the condition of your cervix. I won't make it a habit, I promise.) She's having baby boy Jaxon, baby brother of baby girl Jayla. We're so ready to meet him!!!

Tracey, another great friend and neighbor, is just about five weeks away from introducing us to baby number two--baby girl Paisley, baby sister of baby boy Tyler. (I guess I should refrain from referring to him as a baby, seeing as how he is almost three. Denial.) I'm really excited to meet her too, especially since she is close enough for me to squeeze every day. Or two.

Secrett and Drew are also cooking up a batch of baby girl sweetness! They're due at the end of February and we are equally excited to meet baby Bryenn (maybe). (Maybe for the name, not that we are maybe excited to meet her.) (In case I needed to clarify that.) Big brother Mica is ecstatic!

Then, we just found out that our dear friends Derek and Amber are expecting. This has been a long time coming and we're just bulging at the seems with happiness! I'm putting my money on a boy for the Wilson's!

And of course, my Christy! She and her hubby Daniel are expecting as well. Due sometime in April. And, gee, I dunno why I would have such a hunch, but I'm betting on a girl for these two! I can't wait to meet another darling Audrey Grace! (Or Jackson James!)

So, there you have it. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this stuff! And since the husband is about to puke over all the details I'm forcing upon him, I've decided to share them with people who actually care! You! You care...don't you? I thought so! I'll keep you posted!!!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

For the Love of Kleenex & Nyquil

Holy shit, is it ever going to end? I totally thought I'd quit producing phlem after three days of drinking nothing. Apparently snot production does not require water. I'm in a condition where when I sniff ever-so-gently there is five to ten seconds of severe pressure right under my left eye, such that I fear an implosion every time. I'm snorting Vicks and tripping on Benedryl as we speak. It's allergies and a cold, I believe.

Meanwhile, the daughter is glued to the couch on life support (watching TV). The hubby is gone on a memorial ride. And I'm about to start the third batch of brownies in three days. They don't really count if I can't actually taste they?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I Work With Children

I SWEAR this happened today!

Oh, first of all, I was out yesterday with a sick daughter. I'm not supposed to miss any work yet, since I've only been on the job two grueling months, so the husband stayed home today so that I could return to the hell-hole.

Anyway, all was quite and boring all morning. I got up to go to the bathroom and before I even shut the bathroom door I heard Linda dial Tanya's extension. So I shut the door and stood there and listened. Linda actually said, "Uhh, I hate it when she's here! She messes up my environment! It makes me just wanna stay home!"

I couldn't make this stuff up! I just think it's so amusing that I'm working a job that I hate, for a woman whom I can't stand, and whom clearly isn't too fond of me either. I wish she'd just do both of us a favor and fire my ass! I still have a couple months unemployment coming from the last jackasses who stupidly let me and all of my glory slide out of their hands.

Friday, September 12, 2008


This is how I'm feeling today:

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Worker for Hire

So, yesterday my wonderful husband sent me three red roses for our 3rd anniversary. Then he took off work early and went home and cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry and made the bed. Then he took me to Edmond to eat at my favorite restaurant, P.F. Cheng (yummo). He's a doll, isn't he? Then we went home and watched "Baby Mama" with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, two of my favorites. It's a generally entertaining moving, with several parts that made me laugh out loud, which is fairly unusual for any movie. All around good night.

Today...not so much. I'm not feeling very tolerant today, and tolerance is crucial for surviving a day in this office. It wasn't even 9:00 this morning when I felt like cramming my ballpoint pen into my eyeball. I became angry when the two of them stopped talking only long enough to make sure I was going to answer the phone, even though I was away from my desk filing papers. Hey, I know QVC's Daily Special is very important conversation. Who am I to expect our customers to come first?

I'm searching desperately for a new job. I would love for next Friday (payday) to be my last day. When I overheard--and by that I mean didn't plug my ears--Linda saying to Tanya, "She's setting over there with an attitude. Does she think I'm going to put up with that? Huh-who does she think she is?" I pretty much decided then that these crazy bitches couldn't pay me enough money to work for them. I need a job. ASAP.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

'Til Death Do Us Part

It was a warm, breezy summer day. I trembled with excitement as my "wedding march" began to play. I fumbled nervously with my bouquet and avoided eye contact as my dad led me down the aisle. I finally reached the groom and felt my eyes well with tears. The preacher began talking and I understood the words as though they were German. Suddenly I burst out laughing, and continued to giggle nervously as the preacher poured over our vows. Then my husband kissed me and our guests applauded. The rest is history.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, Husband.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Come the F**k Real

Another example, just in case the first one didn't do it for you...

I spent the morning typing and printing invoices and putting them in addressed envelopes. My co-worker Tanya* was standing near the mail basket when I took the envelopes over and put them in with a group that was already tied together with a rubberband. My co-worker informed me, "Oh, Linda* likes groups of 8 or 10" in her ever-so-cheerful-I-make-way-more-money-than-you voice. Fine. What. Ever. So she watches me remove most of the envelopes from the bunch and put a new rubberband around them, leaving two bundles of 8 to 10. Then she says "Ooops, keep the little ones in front so we don't lose them!" You've got to be kidding me. I grit my teeth and go to lunch, only to return to an e-mail with the following excerpt:

If you notice an unattractive ink smear on an envelope or invoice printed by your printer, you should reprint a better version.
Linda would much prefer to go ahead and toss that smeared envelope or invoice. She’s willing to accept a little waste to make sure the correspondence going to customers looks as professional as possible.

Are these people for real?!? Is this totally annoying or is it just me?!?

*Names have been changed out of pure paranoia.

Monday, September 8, 2008

A Perfect Example

...of why I hate my job and really, really dislike my boss.

While sitting in a very quiet office, squealing of tires can be heard from the main road that passes in front of our building. My boss let's out a three to four second sigh and growls, "I bet they're not buying those tires."

I thought about pointing out that neither is she.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

An Update

The Job: It still blows. I continue to be bored outta my mind. My boss continues to bitch about everything. I continue to want to punch her in the face.

The Husband: He has another infected hair folicle. He went back to the doctor yesterday and got another prescription for antibiotics. He is trying to let it get better without taking them though. So I am stealing them from him and taking them for my burns-when-I-pee-ness. You see, the sucky job doesn't offer health insurance and I'm not paying the sucky doctors to give me a sucky diagnosis and a prescription that I already have thanks to my husband's sucky hair folicles.

The Daughter: She turns two in one week. I struggle to wrap my mind around this. When she smiles that sweet smile and hugs my neck and pats my back and squeezes my cheeks I can't believe it's already been two years. And when she sucker-punches me between the eyes and kicks me in the throat I can't believe it's only been two years...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


Three things I'm looking forward to:

1.) Payday. Granted, it'll only be about 2/3 the size of my last paycheck, but it'll be a paycheck. The first in nearly 5 months.

2.) My big brother is coming home! He lives in Ohio and only makes it home about 3 times a year. He always manages to make it home in August. And he'll be here for a week!

3.) The daughter's 2nd birthday! The husband and I have a huge party planned for her and I am soooo excited about it!

Three things I am not looking forward to:

1.) Another loooong week of work. These people have seriously got to give me something to do. I'm so tired of hearing people say, "It's so hectic around here!" or "We're sooo busy!" or "I've got so much to do I don't even know where to start!" Gimme a break.

2.) My big brother leaving to go back to Ohio. It breaks my heart every time! I wish he would just move back home already. Or that we could move to Ohio. Hmmm, there's an idea...

3.) The daughter's 2nd birthday! My. Baby. Is. Turning. Two.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Big Day

I had my night-before-the-first-day-of-work routine planned out in my head for several days. Pick out clothes, accessories, and shoes, get the daughter's bag ready, set alarm clock, set coffee maker to have strong, hot coffee ready by 6 a.m., give Teagan a bath and get her in bed by 8:30, be in bed by 9:00, asleep by 10:00. Long story short, I crawled into bed at 11:30 p.m. without the faintest idea of what I would be wearing today.

I arrived at the office only to find that one of my bosses has a fat little dog named "Sugar" that accompanies her to the office every single day. I was surprised to find that the grayish silver rollie pollie with very few teeth and several bald spots had just turned four. I'd have guessed 24. I was thrilled to find that "Sugar" expected me to pet her and actually pretend to like dogs after each and every one of her fifteen trips outside each day. Can you say hand sanitizer?

Another long sotry short...I met three Richards, three Mikes, two Jimmys and a handful of people who go by their last names and as I tried to wake myself enough to stumble out the door at 5 o'clock, I was really wondering..."Hoooooly shit, when's payday???"

Kudos to me for not crying when the husband left to take the daughter to daycare, for not slapping the boss when she told me I "won't always be this bored" the thirty-seventh time, and for planning on going back tomorrow.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Meet The Husband

The husband does MMA (mixed martial arts). This past Saturday he participated in a grappling tournament. That afternoon he noticed a small bump on his right arm, near his arm pit. He showed it to me, mentioning that it itched and burned.

Sunday the bump was a little bigger and beginning to bother him, both itching and hurting. Sunday night his bicep was red and swollen.

Monday he went to the doctor. He was told he has a bacterial infection in a hair folicule. He got a shot and a prescription for antibiotics.

Tuesday he went back to the doctor for another shot.

Wednesday he went back to the doctor for another shot.

Today, we have this:

Tomorrow, we are going back to the doctor for, hopefully, yet hopefully not, some lancing. I can hardly wait to see what's inside that thing.

Monday, June 30, 2008

The Count Down

Fourteen days of freedom remaining. Things I plan on doing with them:

1.) Taking the daughter swimming with her little friend Mariah.

2.) Taking the daughter to the splash park with her little friends Emma and Audri.

3.) Going to Party Galaxy with my mom to buy supplies for the daughter's 2nd Birthday.

4.) Taking the daughter to my Nanny's house for the first time in over a year.

5.) Working out the daughter's babysitting arrangements.

6.) Dusting off and plugging in the damn alarm clock.

7.) Purchasing large quantities of coffee.

8.) Digging up the remains of my garden.

9.) Getting the daughter on one of those "schedule" things.

10.) Crying until I am dehydrated.